define senior year

Thoughts on college, examinations, grades, and mental health.

as a so-called ambitious person, I’ve always been looking forward new things and new moments and, technically, new class and classmates. It is true that being a sophomore is the most intriguing thing, it is basically the year which enables you to be the wildest student you want to become, I spent my second year participating in loads of events, getting to know about volunteerism, and going to several student camps outside the school, they were literally the most lit moments I probably have throughout my high school years. I am really proud as I could fulfil my second year with literally what I wanted to experience, inside and outside the school.

I remembered preparing for my final exam as my last academic war in the second year, followed by looking for a certain cram school, I pretty much had everything prepared for the upcoming ultimate war — senior year.

the moment

stepped into a new class, meeting new classmates, class teachers, a super solid schedule, and, pressure.

figure 2.0 | 1st semester one month schedule

at first, I really liked how effective the lesson plans were and how serious my classmates were, among the other high school years, this class was the most decent class ever, for which I loved. I can finally study in a decent study environment, they won’t even disturb when one is sleeping or busy fulfilling cram school’s assignments. But, of course, as expected, the schedule and tasks were getting out of control as month goes by. It was the first moment when I legit cried inside the classroom (fortunately where nobody bothered, don’t worry it’s just me as an overthinker) and the others were busy doing karaoke in our physics class, decoded by our teacher that, yes, his students were exhausted indeed. Nevertheless, it was fun. Months have passed and things have become heavier for us to carry, but this one power was inevitably so strong that we were able to survive, together, cheesy but it is the power of solidarity (hehe no kidding tho).

I noticed that none of us were really selfish towards knowledge, so we often taught each other subjects or chapters that one or more do not understand, we have the expert in math, in bio, and in physics, it was really cool. We always consider examinations as a very prominent aspect as a student (obviously) so I personally would consume cups of coffee a day because falling asleep was a very risky thing (do not follow, though). My senior year exam week schedule would be like this:

taking the exam (up to 10 AM)
join extra classes (up to 12 PM)
study at home (up to 3 PM)
go to cram school (up to 8 PM)
study at a cafe (up to 9–10 PM)
continue to study at home (up to 1 AM)

They were very messy and being very inconsiderate towards my health, and here I found why I often had burnouts afterwards, well not only me, but us. I also found some of my classmates crying at the corridor, or in the class, praying room, literally every spot that they could sit quietly and had a good cry. I also remembered crying literally after doing my first math exam, we started to be very sensitive towards certain topics, and we tend to leave our bed in order to strive for more grades. This is how cruel and how messed up our mental health could get, it was literally the lesson to

“always be kind to people because we don’t know what they’re going through.” quote.

the fun part is, applying for colleges (abroad) because we got to write loads of essay about ourselves, you know, another way to observe ourselves and to write study plans and others. But it is painful to prepare for other exams such as the college entrance exam, we are indeed very drained. But I guess overall, this was the new beginning of everything.

(+)bonus,

senior year in a nutshell